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Alan: When they have babies-
Stephen: Now, there’s an interesting thing:  their genitalia.
Stephen: Give me the length of a blue whale penis.
Stephen: Give it to me now.

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Stephen: What is the longest animal in the world?

Alan: The first thing that came to mind would be a really long snake.

Alan: But, even the longest snake wouldn’t be as long as a really,really long sea animal.

Alan: Like a whale.



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Jonathan: I’ll just go stick my head down a toilet, shall I?

Maddie: Make sure to flush.

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Maddie: It could never work. Not even as science fiction.

Maddie: And, the other thing is: I’m already sleeping with Jonathan.

Maddie: Where have you been, you love rocket?!

Shelford: I’ll see myself out, then.

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Jonathan: A good one, isn’t it?

Maddie: A good one?

Maddie: Somewhere between here and the ground, someone’s planted a corpse in my cupboard.

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Jonathan: Two lasagnas, please.

Maddie: Don’t know what I want. I’m not even hungry.

Maddie: Drop of chili will do me.

Maddie: With some rice.

Maddie: Some garlic bread, a jacket potato. Oh, and some crisps.

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Shelford: That was unfortunate.

Shelford: I completely misjudged the water pressure on those taps,

Shelford: and, of course, it went everywhere.

Shelford: Thankfully, it’s not urine, so it won’t stain.

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Bib: I’m all done.

Roland: Tureen of grouse with Chinese river crackers, fillet of reindeer with gold-covered cobnuts.

Bib: My menu.

Roland: Oh, it’s a menu.

Roland: I thought it was a wizard’s shopping list.